Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize