The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Randomize
