the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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