My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
