She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
