I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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