It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just googled if crying burns calories
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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