My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
How does it feel to date your dad?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
