You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
