with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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