FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
