...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
