we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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