Someone shit on the floor
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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