Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
