so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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