I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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