Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
