It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
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