so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize