i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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