don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
