True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
