even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We need to get me chipped asap
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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