dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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