Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
