He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
