I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
