I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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