i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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