Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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