I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
