He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
