i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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