Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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