I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
