Im at strip club and am horny
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
