My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My balls are so social today.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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