PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
