I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Don't make out with my wife yet
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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