If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
