I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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