I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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