STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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