You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
