I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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