So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
