So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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