He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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