i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
