That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
