who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Ladies don't puke and tell
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
