Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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