he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
