i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
