Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
