Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
