I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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