THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
