Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
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You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
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Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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