i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
