im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
