He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
