Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
it's like heaven, but drunker
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
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