It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I wish my penis had an off switch
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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