Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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